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 JAKE ADJUTANT RELEASES LONG-AWAITED SOLO ALBUMS

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Jakeyman
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PostSubject: JAKE ADJUTANT RELEASES LONG-AWAITED SOLO ALBUMS   Tue Jan 27, 2009 2:34 pm

Today, Jake Adjutant has released a big two-album boxset. These two albums are his first attempt at a Hitlercore musical styles. Adjutant says: "Yeah, I was trying for Hitlercore on these two albums, but I ended up getting into more of a Nazi-fusion groove. For those of you who don't know, Nazi-fusion is basically the Glam-fusion we've been playing for the past thirty-three years, but with Nazi propaganda thrown in for lulz." These efforts have paid off well; the new albums sound like the same band (but with actual drumming!), but also retain the main elements of Hitlercore in a delicious bout of Nazi-fusion.

Mystical Faeries:

For his first album, Jake decided to go with a pre-established concept. "Faeries have been in Metal since it's conception in the '70s. I mean, Black Sabbath wrote a song called 'Faeries Wear Boots' (which we covered on the album), so why the hell not?" The cover of Sabbath's song, re-christened "(Mystical) Faeries Wear Boots", is essentially the Sabbath song with added soloage and zany effects on Adjutant's breadstick-playing thrown in as a prank. "Obey Well-Dressed British Guy" is a stand-out track, a giant piece of propaganda where Jessica whispers "Obey" underneath her and Jake's crushing riffs. The main vocal melody is pleasing to the ear, with such soon-to-be-classic lyrics as "Well, he's well-dressed... and British... what more do you need to know?". The bonus track, as always, is a trip through Jake's mind. It is, as always, a scary place to be. You begin to feel for Jake's pet rock, as it's being stroked in the anal by Jake. This record is a break-through for the genre of Nazi-fusion.

Track listing:
01: "(Mystical) Faeries Wear Boots" (Iommi, Osbourne, Ward, Butler, Adjutant) 6:45
02: "Gray Clouds and High Folks" (Cactus, Schleiden) 8:11
03: "Obey Well-Dressed British Guy" (Adjutant, Kennedy) 10:00
04: "Bathe in Shit" (Adjutant, Lewis) 2:10
05: "Maurice" (Adjutant, Miller) 0:10
06: "Bowling Ball Blues" (Cactus, Schleiden) 4:50
07: "I Made an Oopsie" (Adjutant) 2:30
08: "Take the Shit and Smear it All Over Your Anal" (Adjutant, Schleiden) 5:21
09: "The Song" (Cactus) 4:20
10: "The Song That is Not a Song" (Schleiden) 4:20
Bonus track: "I Have a Shiny New Pet Rock and it's Name is Fred and it Likes it When I Stroke it in the Anal" (Adjutant) 60:00


Strikin' a Pose:

This next album was... odd. It's barely even a Nazi-fusion album. The only evidence of Nazi-ism is the "seig heil"s layered beneath the choruses (which aren't even performed live!). Still, it's a Jake Adjutant album, and that means you get a healthy dose of Glam Metal soloage and breadstick-eating. Yay! "How Dare You Defy Me" is really a look into Jake's nature, showing how much of an ass he is. The bonus track is quite similar to the last one, al beit slightly less insane.

Track listing:
01: "Protruding Anal" (Adjutant, Cactus) 2:55
02: "Life. of Life. (Now with 110% More Life.!)" (Lehman, Adjutant) 5:55
03: "Take the Picture" (Cactus) 3:45
04: "No." (Worldman) 1:00
05: "How Dare You Defy Me" (Adjutant) 4:20
06: "NO U" (Brevick) 0:30
07: "Killin' the Insolent" (Adjutant) 4:55
08: "Socks in the Hamper" (Adjutant) 11:06
09: "Disabled Anal" (Adjutant) 3:15
10: "More Rockin' Than You Can Shake an Anal At" (Adjutant, Cactus, Schleiden) 6:45
Bonus track: "Hey, Guys, I Just Totally Ripped My Shirt, and Now I'm Missing a Sleeve; Do Any of You Guys Know How to Sew?" (Adjutant) 60:00

BONUS:
"Socks in the Hamper" lyrics:
Socks! Socks! Socks!
Socks! Socks! Socks!
Socks in the hamper!

It's the sock screaming lonely in the night!
There's a blood stain on the heel!
It has a tear in it's eye!
Being tempted by His lies!
There's a knife in his back!
He has rage!
There's a razor to the knife!
Oh, lonely is his Life.!
His heel's spinnin' round and round!
But in the seasons of winter!
He'll keep us very warm!
Be strong and laugh and!

Socks! Socks! Socks!
Socks in the hamper!
Socks! Socks! Socks!
Socks in the hamper!

He is the love of your Life.!
He'll suck the blood between your thighs!
And then have you crying for more!
He'll put your strength to the test!
When he gets all wet!
Sure you've felt it all before!
He'll definately risk a kiss!
Might put anger in your mom!
She might run scared for the door!
But in seasons of winter!
He'll keep us very warm!
Be strong and laugh and!

Socks! Socks! Socks!
Socks in the hamper!
Socks! Socks! Socks!
SOCKS IN THE HAMPER!

*guitar solo -- Adjutant*
*guitar solo -- Schleiden*
*guitar solo -- Adjutant*
*breadstick bridge -- Adjutant*
*bass solo -- Cactus*
*guitar solo -- Schleiden*

It's the sock screaming lonely in the night!
There's a blood stain on the heel!
It has a tear in it's eye!
Being tempted by His lies!
There's a knife in his back!
He has rage!
There's a razor to the knife!
Oh, lonely is his Life.!
His heel's spinnin' round and round!
But in the seasons of winter!
He'll keep us very warm!
Be strong and laugh and!

Socks! Socks! Socks!
Socks in the hamper!
Socks! Socks! Socks!
SOCKS IN THE HAMPER!

*guitar solo -- Adjutant*
*big rock ending*

"Protruding Anal" lyrics:

So, yeah, I was walkin'
Down that road,
When a super-cool man stopped me and said,
"Where's the treasure"
And I said:

It's in my anal!
A great place to be!
Yeah, in my anal!
A place you've got to see!

*guitar solo -- Adjutant*

The next day,
The man came back,
And then he said,
"You're lyin' to me;
I checked that anal up and down!
The treasure is not there!
Now tell me it's location!"
And I said:

It's in my anal!
A great place to be!
Yeah, in my anal!
A place you've got to see!

*guitar solo -- Adjutant*

Yeah, it's a place you've got to see!

*guitar solo -- Adjutant*
*big rock ending*
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PostSubject: Re: JAKE ADJUTANT RELEASES LONG-AWAITED SOLO ALBUMS   Tue Jan 27, 2009 6:57 pm

What assholes were waiting for this?

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Jakeyman
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PostSubject: Re: JAKE ADJUTANT RELEASES LONG-AWAITED SOLO ALBUMS   Wed Jan 28, 2009 7:47 am

... my fan-base. Messed up lot, them.
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PostSubject: Re: JAKE ADJUTANT RELEASES LONG-AWAITED SOLO ALBUMS   Wed Jan 28, 2009 10:36 am

meh
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